I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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