Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my sisters under your porch take her home
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
