i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pee around me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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