is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
