I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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