his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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