I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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