His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I supernannyed him into submission
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
