Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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