I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
