I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize