he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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