I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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