I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
