I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
