A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
