have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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