I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
