Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
