I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
