i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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