Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
