if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
