So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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