You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
