bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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