shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
