On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
