okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
