I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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