took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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