roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
