Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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