when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
