Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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