i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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