Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
