If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
