So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize