Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
