Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
