I am spending my child support on dildos
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
