so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
