I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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