I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
