Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
