I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
