Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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