We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
