how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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