I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
