They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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