I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
