You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
