I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
