I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize