Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
