i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
