Plan B is the new Plan A
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
